Cinta

So the transfer was a success and they implanted two embryos. I had my 48 hours of bed rest and then I went to the dollor tree and got about eight pregnancy tests (I know what your thinking…. pregnancy test from the dollar tree? Well they are suppose to be the first ones to pick up the hormone level, according to the surrogacy sites) So I started testing the day that I could get up… nothing. I tried twice the next day and more nothing. The following day only one test and nothing. The fourth day nothing. On the fifth day I got a positive after a long wait. I tried again on the sixth day to be sure and it came back positive. I got the same result on the seventh day. My sister bought me a “real” test, First Response and that too said that I was pregnant. So the next day I was to have the blood test done the official results. I should say that both the parents and I were really excited, finally after all this time we were going to produce a baby.

Well the doctor’s office had holiday hours that day so I did not get the results back until Thursday. I was excited and ready to hear that I was prenant. That however was not the case, the results came back saying I was not pregnant. I was devastated and could not believe the results I went to the store to take another test and it came back negative. This was something that I was not ready for…. I was confused and angry at myself. The confusion of having all these tests say I was going to have a baby and then all of a sudden be told the opposite floored me. I was angry at myself because once again I have let down these dear, sweet, loving, couple that I adore. I was angry that I had given them hope that was stolen away from them in an instant.

Later after time had passed I was able to see that maybe God had let me experience all of this so maybe I would know just a tiny bit of what the parents have to go through. I had no idea, it had always been so easy for me to become pregnant. Even the first surrogacy was very easy, I was implanted and they took on the first transfer. I am now open to things that I would not have been before, like the number of embryos being transfered amoung other things. There is so much heartache that I knew they must feel but now I understand just a little better.