Cinta

Once again it is the waiting game. Nothing is to be done until Dec. when the IM starts her cycle. I am not a very good waiter…. (this has nothing to do with carrying food around) I have always hated waiting. I even give gifts early because I hate the wait. So it looks like a transfer will be in Jan. sometime….ick more waiting. Have I said just how bad I do not like to wait?? Maybe God is trying to teach me something…. I wish it did not have to inculude waiting. Well with the hoildays coming up maybe it will go by pretty quickly. My questions is what if my IM gets her cycle and they need to do a transfer when the lab is closed…. this kind of thing dose not take time off. The doctors should know this…. they are always telling ME that they can not predict when transfer is going to be….. so how can they say that we will have a transfer in Jan.?? This all sounds like bull cocky to me…. either they CAN make it so transfer will be on a certain day or they are going to make us wait another month. I do not like it either way. So now we wait.

But to no avail… I must start taking the EVIL pills again. This is not good as I am already an emotional disaster. I was told to stop all medications after the test came back negative. So I stopped cold turkey, just like that from taking all this Estrace and Progestrone and prenatal vitamins and baby aspirin to taking absolutely nothing. Yeah my hormones are all out of whack. And now the doctor wants me to start taking the birth control pills today. How lucky am I?? I am so not looking forward to this….. then they may have me on these stupid pills for two months. Last time I only took them for TWO WEEKS and I was loosing my mind…. what the heck am I going to be like taking them in two months??? But this has be done or we could miss the chance to transfer. WOW… can I just say how much I HATE this part. I really REALLY do.

Please forgive me ….. for not making this journey involve you. I now realize that I stopped making this about the beautiful things that you can do. I lost my trust that you know what you are doing. I know that everything will turn out good. You will be the one that provides the miracles of the birth that is to come. I am sorry that I tried to rush things and make them come on my time line. You have your own time and I realize now I should stay out of your way. I wish that it did not hurt so much when things don’t go well. I can feel your arms around me and I thank your forever ending love. I thank you for being my Daddy…. and loving me even as I am kicking and screaming. Thank you so much for the patience that you give and show me. I know that I need to learn to be more patient in my life … but I am not asking you for this… I just know it is something I need to work on. I do ask for your wisdom.

So daddy please forgive your foolish little girl

Amen

Well yesterday morning we woke up to no hot water. I started thinking … hmm did I forget to pay the gas bill… Read the rest of this entry »

I know it has been a long time since I have updated… and for the few who read this I am sorry. Well it may come as a SHOCK to you Read the rest of this entry »