Never Ending Change

My life seems like it is on hold right now, and I know it is my fault. Knowing that I could have prevented this does not help the feeling of being a failure whose stuck. I had to be withdrawn from school because I could not move forward until I pass the last section of my state test. All the should of’s and could of’s aren’t going to help me now, but I’m kicking my self cause this could have been my last semester of school. Read the rest of this entry »

I am studying for the last section (math & science) of my state test, or at least that is what I am suppose to be doing. I actually had to stop studying so that I could write this post. I tried to continue studying but my mind would not let me stop thinking of this post. When studying the science portion I came across this question: “Which of the following best explains why the length of a day on the planet Venus is longer than the length of an earth year?” Now the question or the answer is not what stopped me from studying it was the explanation of the answer that got me thinking. Read the rest of this entry »

Letting go has ALWAYS been very hard for me, I become too attached. I get attached quickly and not just to people but to things as well, like my car for instance. I have had to learn to let go the hard way many times in my life because I can be, what you would call, stubborn. I have had to let go of objects, family members and even children in my life. Though it was not always easy I survived but sometimes it was only becasue of Jesus. Read the rest of this entry »

I got my test results in yesterday and the test I took has three sections. I passed the third section the first time I took the test and now the first section. I have to take the second section again, and I can not do this until next month. I was on a term break at school because all the classes I have left revolve around student teaching which I can not do until I pass this test. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Lord,

I wanted to let You know that I have been infatuated with You since I first heard Your name. I use to wonder who You were and why I was so special to You. As time went on I learned who You were and what You did to rescue me, but I still wondered why. I am no one special, I was barely a little girl and could not even do anything worth talking about. I did like the stories You put in your book, I found them intriguning. I said the prayer that let You into my heart but I had no idea what that meant. When I said the prayer it was just words that all the other kids were saying and I wanted to be like them. I am sorry for my behavior. Read the rest of this entry »

Well I had to get up this morning (July 9th) at 5:30 so that I could be down the hill. This is the third time taking it and it was not as bad as it has been. The test that I took is the state exam to become a teacher, not a fun test. I was able to answer all the constructed response questions this time. That has to be a step in the right direction… right? Read the rest of this entry »

Have you ever felt totally blown off, like your feelings didn’t matter. Well that is how I have been feeling for awhile now. I think maybe the problem might be me, maybe I am not communitcating correctly. It is not the best feeling in the world I can tell you that much. I know all my thoughts and opinions are not works of art that need to be doted on. I do feel that such thoughts should be considered before being brushed off as if I were speaking a language no one understood. I am hoping that with this post these hurt feelings that I have will dissipate. That I will be able to let go of this anger that fills inside my chest. I am hopeful that with the click of the button publishing this that I will move on and forget the emotions I once endured. Thanks to one person reading this for letting me vent… I definitely needed it.

My last post made me think of this one (I know, I know two posts in one day. No I am not trying to kill you) I use to say ‘whatever’ all the time. I don’t mean I said it now and then, I used that word at least five times a day. People use to tease me, but that is not why I stopped saying it, becuase I haven’t stop saying it completely it’s still in my vocabulary. I don’t know why exactly I stopped using that word so much. I do know now why I am choosing not use it unless I really mean it. Read the rest of this entry »

One of my friends inspired me to continue writing even though I know not what to write about anymore. My journey that started this blog is long over and I am still very affected by that, but the problem is what now? I am STILL in school, though at this moment I am on a term break. I am trying to past the state CSET test. I am also wrestling with thoughts and emotions on every aspect of my life… so maybe that will be the new focous of this blog. Whatever (my old favorite word) it is I am just glad to be back again.

I left to go the store to get my money so that I could go to Midway to pick up a freezer. I get to Best Buy where I am was informed that I would only get a gift card back. Now let me tell you why… When I first went into find out what was going on with my order I was returned the money on a gift card. I didn’t want to have to wait the 5 to 7 business days for the money to be returned to my credit card so I let them do that to pay for the freezer from their online store. Now I was paying for that decision, I asked to speak to the manager.

The manager came over and I lost it. I did not yell or scream, I do what I always do when I get mad… I cry. I told him that I thought I have been more than patience with the whole situation. He agreed and said that he was sorry that he could not give money back because of their policy. He wanted to see if I would be happy with a different freezer. I told him that I didn’t care what make it was but I was not waiting another month for the appliance. He said that would discount another one so I spent about an hour and a half but they finally found a freezer for me. I was able to pick it up that day. I ended up getting a bigger freezer for the same amount of money. I got a $400.00 freezer for $200.00. I like the customer service but hate the policy.

Morale: Never let them put your money on a gift card.