Cinta

It is that time again…School starts today. I am excited this semester. I am going to get things done in a resonable amount of time. That is the plan and it can be accomplished. I love today.

Thank you Lord for giving me this day.

Not sure what my problem is today but I have been in a bad mood all day. O.k. so not ALL day but for the better part of it. Could be stress or just time for the emotional cycle to kick it into high gear. What ever it is I do not like it. I know that I was upset last night but thought that I was over it this morning… maybe I deal with my feelings when I am having them so that they do not carry over. Read the rest of this entry »

Well my son and I both survived the first week of a new school. Some things I have a wee bit of an issue with is the fact that the school wants the kids to do 20 hours of community service, which is good and it is not a lot considering he has all year to do the hours. It teaches them that there is a bigger world out there and that it does not revolve around them. Here is the issue… Read the rest of this entry »

O.k., So today was the first day back to school. That dosen’t sound so bad right? Well let me just tell you it was a day filled with anxiety for me. My son is now in 6th grade … SIXTH GRADE. I can not belive it, where did the time go? So I am not only dealing with that but he started a brand new school to boot. I was having flashbacks of the first day of Kindergarten again.
Let me say that was a very traumatic experience for me. I was not ready for him to be a big boy then and I am not ready now. I know, you might be saying that I have had six years of first days already I should be a pro at this by now. You would be right and wrong. I didn’t that much of a problem with it the other five years but today triggered the emotions I had on his very first day of school.
I could tell that he was trying to put on a brave front for me cause he knows I worry about how he feels. But I could sense that he was a little anxious… he is at a new school where he knows only one person who happens to be in 8th grade so the only time he gets to see his friend is before and after school. He left all of his friends at the old school and his class size is more than doubled. It was like seeing him in kindergarten all over again, on the playground just him all alone while all the other kids played together. It broke my heart then and it breaks my heart now.
I am very glad that he likes his teacher… its the kids he can not stand. It was so cute when I asked him how his day went he told me ” I have never heard so much cussing in my life, I don’t think I have ever heard the word for the female dog in heat used so much.” I knew there were going to be draw backs to leaving a private christian school, I hope that I did the right thing. I know that he is strong enough to stick to his beliefs.

I love him to the moon and back.

That is the question… I thought I knew what I was born to do, now I am not sure. I feel as though I have been in a depression ever since I found out that I am “broken”. I know that I still have school and there is that goal that I am working towards but I never have found out what it is I really want to do. Read the rest of this entry »

Well I have not updated in forever but there has been a lot happening, not just with the surrogate thing. Lets start with that, the surrogate thing, Well we did do a transfer and put in one embryo. I had to wait the never ending two weeks then the blood test came around…. the numbers came back high…. Yeah!! So two days later I go back to make sure the number goes up…. Read the rest of this entry »

So I know that I said that the parents wanted to get a move on…. but the attorneys were not in as big a hurry. So our contracts were finalized and now the real hurry up and wait begins. I have a doctor appointment this Saturday. I think it is for the base line ultrasound. This is where they check the uterus before I start taking the medications. Then I will have to go back after I have been on the meds. to see how thick the lining is… nice, huh? So we are on our way … I believe the transfer is going to be around March 19th or 20th. The thing that I found out is that the parents only want to transfer one embryo, this is a little concerning to me. After everything that has happend with the last parents I don’t want to go through the disapponintment again. We will see what will happen.

Well this time around was like a whirl wind. I kept in contact with the last case manager(I will see if I can use her name in blogs to follow) I had with the twins. When she e-mailed me to wish me happy holidays I gave her the update and she informed me that she would love to work with me again. So I thought about this and decided, hey what the heck this could only improve my chances to find the right couple. So I called her on Dec. 23rd and let her know to go ahead and put my profile back up on their site Fertility-Miracles. She called me back and said that she knew who I should be matched with, so she needed to talk to them and see where they we at. So then I waited for like a day and got an e-mail saying that they would love to have a conference call and when would I be available. I told them that I could do it that day or anytime that week. That was on the 24th and they said they could do it on the 26th, I was o.k. with this so I replied not a problem. Read the rest of this entry »

O.k. so back in November (I know I have not been updating like I should… sorry) we tried one more time. This was a little scary for me due to the fact that this was the last time the parents were going to try. We went in and I was the one trying to get them to put in more embryos then they wanted. Wow what a long way I had come…. in the beginning I was the one that only wanted a certain number of embryos transferred. Now here I was trying to talk the parents into transferring more than they were comfortable with… what a difference a year and a half can make. So we finally decided on Read the rest of this entry »

So the transfer was a success and they implanted two embryos. I had my 48 hours of bed rest and then I went to the dollor tree and got about eight pregnancy tests (I know what your thinking…. pregnancy test from the dollar tree? Well they are suppose to be the first ones to pick up the hormone level, according to the surrogacy sites) So I started testing the day that I could get up… nothing. I tried twice the next day and more nothing. The following day only one test and nothing. The fourth day nothing. On the fifth day I got a positive after a long wait. I tried again on the sixth day to be sure and it came back positive. I got the same result on the seventh day. My sister bought me a “real” test, First Response and that too said that I was pregnant. So the next day I was to have the blood test done the official results. I should say that both the parents and I were really excited, finally after all this time we were going to produce a baby. Read the rest of this entry »